I Am Not Alone, You Are Not Alone…

So…
A few of you may have noticed that I’ve been a little bit quiet on the blog over the past few weeks with just the odd post here and there, I wasn’t sure whether to go into the reasons why publically or not but I think it’s good for me to be open with you all about it as it may help some of you. 
The truth is I’ve been unwell. Earlier on this year I went through a bout of anxiety which was confusing and difficult for me as I’d never really experienced anything like it before. Panic attacks, irregular breathing and becoming scared of just doing every day things.  All of it was completely unlike me and it totally freaked me out. I took some time out to work through it all and after a few weeks thought I was OK and ready to get back into my everyday life.
However just 9 weeks on and everything seemed to fall apart again, as I’m writing this I can feel the tears fill my eyes because I’ve found all of this so difficult to understand. I went back to my doctor after another scary episode of panic attacks one morning and I knew I needed help. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression after speaking to him about the way I had been feeling, I told him about it all, my (what I thought) were irrational thoughts, my mood and the panic attacks I had been getting. When he turned around and told me he believed I had depression as well as the anxiety I didn’t really understand and walked out of the surgery, prescription in hand thinking ‘what the hell have I got to be depressed about?’. I felt guilty for the feelings I had been having and felt like I was ridiculous for being in this state, I had no reason to be depressed I should just be getting on with life as I always do, confident, independent me who just takes things on, I remember actually telling myself to stop being silly. 
I don’t judge anyone, anyone at all, however I now completely understand when people say ‘unless you’ve been through it you won’t understand’ and they were right. I’ve known people with depression and anxiety, friends, acquaintances, etc and although I’ve always tried my best to sympathise, actually trying to understand their condition and what they were going through was more difficult. I’m sure many of us will just look at someone from the outside, weigh up the amazing things they may have going for them and think about the person we know and love, think and even say to them ‘…but you’ve got all this!’. I realise now that depression can touch anyone. The most successful, beautiful, talented, intelligent people who from the outside seem to have everything can be struck with depression, depression doesn’t care who you are, what you’ve got, what you do, how much is in your bank account, how many people love you, it takes no prisoners and it completely sucks you in, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you of the recent, tragic death of Robin Williams and the details that later unfolded of how he was battling with the condition which later led to his suicide. 
After the weeks have gone on since my diagnosis I am slowly coming to terms with it and taking the time to understand it all. I have spoken to friends and family who have been very supportive and understanding of my condition, others have been good but I can see that look on their faces, that same look that I used to have when someone would tell me they had depression and although I know they are completely sympathetic I also know that just like me once upon a time, they just don’t get it, they don’t understand and that’s fine, it’s not their fault.

I am slowly working my way through things with the help of cognitive behavioral therapy, lots of self care and some focus on other things like exercise to put me in the best space I can be in. I also wanted to explain to you guys that I am currently working on a little bit of weight loss. I will only mention this once as  I am adamant that this space will forever be a diet free zone but I needed you to know the reasons why my outfit posts have been a bit off the radar and why I may start to look a little different in future photographs. I am working on my fitness as I have found that exercise, especially walking and swimming help me clear my head when I feel bad about everything that is going on in it, this has obviously led to some weightloss for me and  I have in the last few weeks lost around 2 stone which I’m sure will continue as I carry on down the exercise route. I’ve found some of my clothes fit me oddly or just don’t seem to look right and when I’ve tried to take outfit pictures nothing has felt like it looks good, this is the main reason as to why the outfits have lacked recently, I hope you understand that this is not me hating my body, I still love it as much as I did before but this is about putting my mind in a good place (and my level of fitness). I still am a fatty and will always be whether I gain a little, lose a little or whatever, but I wanted to explain to you guys. I hope you can support me with this and if any of you have any questions I am happy to answer in private via email which you can find in the top right hand corner of the blog, I will try my best to answer anything. 

Anyway in summary, I’ve been unwell, I’m getting better, I’m finally starting to feel like me again. I hope the majority of this makes sense as to why I’ve been a bit off the radar but I also wanted to put it all out there to encourage any of you who may be going through anything similar to seek help. Talk to someone, your doctor, your friends, your family, anyone who will listen and help you through it. You aren’t alone. Mental health issues are real, they’re a real illness and they need to be understood and looked after as importantly as any other illness. Be kind to yourselves.

Now back to normal service, I’ve got some lovely review items to show you, I’m off on holiday in a couple of weeks with some beautiful friends and I’m also going to be turning 30 on the 25th of this month!!!! ARGHHHHHHH!

13 Comments

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  1. 1
    Imperfect Laura

    I want to say how much of an inspiration you are. I suffer anxiety attacks and have done for many years. I have lost 2 stone this year and its made such a difference to me. I will always be big but my state of mind needed to change and with it my health. Well done for coming out and telling your story. You are amazing and beautiful xx

  2. 2
    Harriet

    I just want to say thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best. I really do believe that everyone who can open up about what they're going through makes it easier for the next people. This post is beautifully written and I'm really pleased to hear that you're getting support.

  3. 3
    Leah Shafik

    Hi Sweetie, I met you last year at Plus North and I am so pleased I did. You are superbly gorgeous and always will be.

    As for the depression and anxiety. Thank you for sharing. It can't have been easy to share it but by doing so I am sure there will be many people who can empathise.

    I wish you a healthy and happy future and look forward to the reviews.

    <3 xx

  4. 4
    Nikki

    I have followed your blog for a long time Hun and just wanted to comment to say that I have been where you are. It's true what they say time is a great healer and it sounds like you are taking all the right steps to heal.

    I don't think you need to apologise for losing weight chick.

    Lots of love xx

  5. 5
    Helena Terry

    wow, that must have been hard to share. I've never talked about the problems I've had with mental illness publicly because like you said really, I feel guilty. guilty and ashamed. I feel like I have this good happy life but I can't just be happy on the inside and it's a struggle every day to do just normal things. but I'm getting better and I hope with the help and support you will too. stay strong. I hope you have a wonderful holiday and then birthday!

  6. 6
    Becky Barnes

    Lovely, lovely Naomi. I know how hard this must have been to post, but I hope it also came as somewhat of a relief. By talking about it you will help yourself and others. I love you lots and from one crazy to another I can tell you it gets better, and you learn to cope with it better and the best thing you can do is take it one day at a time. x x x

  7. 7
    Elena Davies

    Well done for getting this out, it must have been tough but hopefully it's a relief too. Speaking out is the best way to get support. I find that sometimes all I want is to say to someone 'I'm struggling' and to let someone know and oddly that helps. I'm always, always here to listen to whatever you need to say and I know there is a mass of others who would to. It's good you're getting some CBT and working through it, just take it one day at a time and know your limits.
    Love you, beautiful girl xxx

  8. 8
    Elena Davies

    Also, anyone who has an opinion about your physical appearance or choices can feck orf, do whatever you need to do for your brain. xxx

  9. 9
    linnea

    Well done on going and getting help, and thank you for wanting to share your struggles. I don't know you but I love your posts, your style and your infectious personality which keeps me coming back for more Naomi! Do what makes you happy, never apologise for any down days and remember you have so many supporters who will always lend an ear and cyber hugs when you need it.((((((())))))))
    And I can't wait for your next post 🙂
    Xx

  10. 10
    kaytee

    Much love Naomi, and thank you for sharing x

    I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was a child, so have lived with that, anxiety and Asperger's Syndrome for many years. I know exactly what it is like, and I used to get really pissed off with people who would say "What have you got to be depressed about?!" Fortunately there is more awareness now and more people are understanding that it is an illness in the same way as many other illnesses and not something you have because your life is somehow shit!
    I know you will get through this and wish you all the luck and love you need. xx
    Looking forward to seeing more of your beautiful pictures int he future x

  11. 11
    Martina

    I am a Clinical Hypnotherapist that specialises in anxiety. Generally the anxiety and panic attacks that you are feeling are a sign of built up stress which has placed you in "fight or flight mode". Your body is sensing danger even though there doesn't appear to be anything immediately obvious that is creating your problem. As with anyone who suffers from anxiety you need to work on a number of things.

    1) Relaxation – Generally I get all my clients to listen to a relaxation audio every single day. The audio should last from twenty minutes to half an hour. This is forcing you to take time out and slowly helps to reduce those negative feelings that you are having.

    2) Distraction – As soon as you feel any anxiety find something to distract yourself. Your exercise that you have been doing is a perfect example of this.

    3) Acceptance – Know that the anxiety and panic can't hurt you. Instead if you feel an attack coming on find somewhere to sit where you feel comfortable, accept the feelings and know that they will pass.

    4) See a Hypnotherapist – If you don't know why you are experiencing these problems you should see a hypnotist who can work with you to find the root cause of your problem. When you understand why you are having the problems your CBT will be even more helpful.

    I hope that helps. Martina http://www.hypnosisforanxiety.co.uk

  12. 12
    Sara™

    I've been there as well, it's a tough place that is never truly understood unless you've lived it yourself. It will get better and you are making excellent choices in regards to how you are dealing with your feelings.

    I ate my feelings and now I am dealing with the consequences while struggling to get healthier (I'll always be a big beautiful woman, just would like to be healthier!) but you are coping by working on a healthier you, both inside and out.

    So bravo for taking this step, sharing a scary thing and getting the help you need to be a happier, healthier you!

  13. 13
    Manuela M .

    I’m sorry to hear that . I have been through this myself , I refused any medication and I choose a holistic path . I meditate , dink green juice every other day , I stopped eating meat and especially dairy ( dairy is full of hormones that will throw your hormones off ) and I bought Kris Carrs books . It’s been 5 years since I started and it’s been 5 years since I had my last anxiety attack or felt depressed . I hope this helpes . Sending you so much love and light all the way from Dubai . Xxx

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