.....In a land far far away, where they spoke 'Yam Yam' and ate orange chips, a fair wench named Naomi sat at her desk at the big evil bank where she worked and longed for the clock to strike 4 on Friday afternoon....
The clock ticked away and finally the awaited hour arrived. Out she flew, with her Iphone headphones trailing behind her as she logged on to her ASOS account. She made her dress order as quickly as possible hoping her 3G data allowance would last her through the duration of her purchase and not fuck up the moment she went to tap her debit card details in.
The magical fairies at ASOS whisked through her order and when Saturday morning arrived she could hardly contain her lie in snores as the courier banged on her front door at 7.30am.
"A little black dress!" she cried with glee as she twirled in front of her Gizmo dog, whom looked perplexed and slightly more interested in the fact that it was his breakfast time and his bowl still layeth empty.
She slicked on some nail polish......
Essie 'Penny Talk - £7.99 Boots
...Put on her best Primarni bling, hunted out her Katy Perry lashes and sunk a bottle of Blossom Hill....
Katy Perry 'OH MY' Lashes - Eylure
Sparkly, blingy necklace - £6 Primark
Drunkity looking Naomi - Priceless! (Sponsored by Blossom Hill White Grenache!)
...And "Ta-da!", she was ready to dance with the bostin' chaps of fair Wolverhampton town!
Black Skater Dress - £25 ASOS Curve (UK26)
Beige Wedges - £17.99 New Look (UK6)
Beige Bag - Primark
Although in reality the blokes of Wolverhampton didn't really tickle her fancy, so instead she ended up sitting in the Hogs Head, bitching with her bessies and pulling random drunken faces with her Grant face friend after much more cheap fizzy crap was consumed.....
Grant Face Friend - Not for Sale!
The moral of this story? Saturday's are AWESOME!